In search of I

Recently I've been thinking I should be doing more. 

I mean this in a general sense; I feel like I've been existing, and not actually living. I have depended far too much, too often and too long on other people for happiness- when I should be seeking it out for myself.

It's been a while now since I last had any semblance of a plan in life. The last time I did, I worked toward buying my flat- and so it came to fruition. Since then I've just been getting by, or at least trying to. 

I have a home. I have family. I am lucky to have the love of a kind and beautiful young woman. I have a few close friends. I have a car. I have a job that allows me to live reasonably comfortably. What I do not have, is a feeling of accomplishment, worth, or self satisfaction- which is why I am making some plans for the future, the first steps of which will start on Monday morning.

It feels good to be doing something for myself for a change. I am the sort of person who, in the past, has always put other people before his own wants and desires. 

Lately however, I have become a little more of a recluse. I go to work, I come home, I eat, I sleep, I play games, I play guitar, I write, jam with the band sporadically and occasionally see one of my handful of friends for a cup of tea. I would see my Girlfriend regularly (for she is also the best friend anyone could hope for in life, and was long before we paired), but she is studying 180 miles away. I can't just hop in the car or bus and go to visit whenever I like, neither can she. The situation has been hard- but it  is only temporary. That thought however, does not exactly alleviate all loneliness. The black dog and I are still very well acquainted.

Others do not seek me out. I am not invited to things. Whether that is out of dislike for me as a person, being generally overlooked as a face in the crowd, or whether the people I know and associate with are simply too busy and wrapped up in their own lives to spare me a thought or correspondence- I don't know. All I know is that if I didn't put myself out there on social media, messenger, and the odd text message- I would hear from no-one at all. In the past I've contemplated avoiding making contact for a week to see if anyone actually cares enough to get in touch- but I needn't have bothered- because recently it happened completely by chance. I saw no-one but work colleagues, and heard from no-one but my Girlfriend and my Mother. 

Assuming (Nay- hoping) with faith in those I know, that the the latter of the three options is the truth (it is the least upsetting, at least), I have come to the following conclusion: I too, must busy myself. For myself. 

I will do this by furthering myself academically and creatively. I'm not going to do it to be liked, or to impress- but to seek and achieve something I want. Something, as I've said, I have not done in around the last five years. I want to work toward something I'm passionate about, like the woman I love is doing right now. She- above all other fervours and venoms I nurture from my solitude- is my muse in this. But again- it's not even for her that I do this. 

It's a long overdue journey in search of I.

One Night in Paris... And the Mourning After.

I looked upon last nights scenes from the multiple terror attacks in Paris with unadulterated horror, as I'm sure countless others did. As many as 140 people are dead, possibly more, making it the worst European terrorist attack in decades. It also caused France's borders to be closed for the first time since 1944. 

However, what we need to watch for now is the reaction.

As it stands (at time of writing), no group has yet claimed responsibility, and 8 perpetrators have been killed, or committed suicide by explosive. It is strongly speculated that it is Daesh (the group claiming to be "Islamic State" operating out of Iraq and Syria), or another group acting in their support.

The bloodiest act of the night was a hostage situation at the Bataclan Theatre in which over 100 people were held hostage. Shortly after armed forces stormed the building, the terrorists inside returned gunfire before detonating  suicide vests. The result was that up to 120 people may have died in the theatre alone. (Figure is as yet unconfirmed.) 

French prime minister François Hollande said at the scene "we will lead a war that is pitiless" which frankly scared the wits out of me for several reasons. 

Wikileaks reports that it is an avowed strategy of Daesh to use the crackdown (since the Charlie Hebdo attacks in January) to radicalise the Muslims of France. If they manage to harness even 1%, that's in the region of 50,000 people. 

So let's, for talkings sake, imagine that France declares open war on Daesh, and supporting extremist organisations. That will of course, lead to Britain participating in some way- with either bombs or boots. This is all the more likely, given that  it was recently reported in mainstream media, that Britain is no longer considered a major player in Europe. In addition to this, with the looming referendum on European Union membership, Britain will want to show it is a big player, one that will continue to be an asset to Europe whatever way our vote goes.

And if France, the U.K. and other countries go to war, you can bet your boots that similar, regular attacks on civilians will happen in these countries as a result, from terrorist cells who have discreetly travelled to our soil, or that have been established here in sympathy. We will be fighting enemies within and without, as what we would really be fighting is not an army or an country, but an ideology- and how do you fight an idea?

I wish I had an alternative, but I honestly don't. All that looks set to happen here is more violence. Open conflict on the ground at some point seems inevitable.

There are however, things that you and I can do. We don't need to lose our humanity and tolerance. We cannot allow ourselves to blame or point the finger at refugees fleeing Iraq and Syria- after all- this is exactly the kind of activity they are fleeing from. Over there it happens nearly every single day. It is important to remember that in the 1940's, millions of European people were fleeing persecution from another oppressive regime- many of them to

Northern Africa- so the shoe was firmly on the other foot! Neither can we allow the demonisation of liberal and moderate Muslims- to do so is no different to comparing every Christian to Anders Breivik or the Phelps family. Challenge it wherever you hear it. Too much life has been lost without further loss of human decency in those still living.

All these actions foster is more hatred and ignorance; a cycle of violence and hatred. We cannot allow this to happen, because this is exactly what Daesh want. They want recognition as a state, and their endgame is for that state to span the very breadth of the globe. It is important to remember that they are just as much of an enemy to peaceful religious peoples as they are to atheists like me. Just as much of a threat to the western world as the Middle East where their cause currently spreads like a disease. Do not give them credence and legitimacy by calling them IS, ISIL or ISIS. Call them Daesh. From Arabic it roughly translates to "one who tramples underfoot".

After all, that's what Daesh is doing. It is trampling societies, cultures, history and humanity itself. 

Age Before Beauty; And Long After.

I often find my head in my hands at this society's preoccupation with physical beauty.

Beauty means different things to different people- but regardless of that- such high value is placed upon it. Everyone judges people based on their looks. It happens every single day. I'm guilty of it, you're guilty of it; we all are.

What so many people forget is that it's only temporary. We all age. We all get old. And we all lose many of the attributes that society calls beautiful.

People try to slow it with products and surgery, but why? Getting older is part of life and inevitable. Why not do it with a little dignity? What happened to growing old gracefully?

I recently watched a documentary called "Advanced Style". It seemed to address the fact that fashion is overly preoccupied with youth. The maker of the film is also a photographer and blogger (the blog has the same title, if you want to go and look), who takes modelling photos of women over 55 years of age. It demonstrated clearly that you don't  have to be young to have a sense of style or be fashionable. It really brought home to me even more how utterly meaningless the current perception of beauty is. Physically, their best years were behind these women, but they replaced that with something else; A pervading and irresistible individuality; that is ageless.

If you fell in love with someone purely because of their looks, it's probably not going to last, unless you find something else in them to love.

Beautiful or not, we all get old and eventually die. People would do well to remember that nobody makes a good looking corpse. Harsh? Probably. Definitely true.

What this page is for.

It's been more than a month since my last post- I really need to get better at doing this regularly!

Any commitment to regular posts is for completely selfish reasons, it should be understood. Although this blog is open to any visitors from anyone I know, and the wider Internet, this blog is only for one person.

That person is me. 

Do not be under any illusion. What I choose to write here is my business. I may write about my personal life or in a more general sense. If I do write about personal matters, I am likely to anonymise people I know, rather than openly attack someone online. 

I'm not here to please anyone. Although I do have subscribers, and I do hope they enjoy the content I post- this page is an outlet for me first and foremost.

However- this is not a social media outlet like Tumblr is. It does not depend or thrive on external inputs or reader contributions. There is a comments section, but it is moderated (personally) and any non-constructive or troll-esque comments will not be displayed. I don't feed the trolls. Such people will not be given a platform. The only way there will be any acknowledgement of them, is if they are too hilariously funny not to; for spelling, logical or grammatical reasons.

So, I apologise if you, the reader, had any other presumption on what this page is for. I hope this sets the record a little straighter.

Has it really been 6 months?

Today, June the 1st, marks 6 months of being on paleo. 

You guys know what that means!

Yup- landmark. You're being subjected to more progress pictures! 

Enjoy, I guess! Or don't! Whatever! I'm proud of it. No, I'm not done yet. Yes, I'm still a way off my target, and no, I don't know how much I've lost-- but what I can tell you is that since January first, the belt I'm wearing in today's pictures has had two extra holes made in it.

Let's travel through time!

01/01/15

60 days later

Today, 01/06/15

I'm really feeling good looking back over these, it does feel like progress. Soon I may have to go a wee clothes shop...

From here on in, now that it's hopefully going to be getting warmer, and I plan to do a lot more cycling, as well as some hillwalking, and continuing lifting some weights at home.

Who knows- if I keep at it, perhaps in another 6 months, it could be a one man gun show!

An Analogy; in the Style of a Children's Story

Once upon a time, there lived a large fluffy dog, and a little tabby cat.

The dog and cat were the best of friends, despite having very little in common. Everyone's notions would suggest they shouldn't be friends at all. They didn't look similar, thought in different ways, ate different foods, and enjoyed different things. The dog was loud, and often barked if he saw something wrong, but was kind and gentle. The cat was quiet, and enjoyed being cosy in her little spaces, but also had a bit of a habit of scratching at things; even things that weren't hers. The large dog and the little cat took long walks together, ate together, drank together, enjoyed music together and played together for many a long and happy afternoon. They often disagreed- and now and again fell out, as friends sometimes do- but they got past these things, and felt much better after both saying sorry for the mean things they had said to each other.

The cat had not always had a happy life. When she was young, her family had been very cruel to her. Even now she had grown up, thinking about it made her very sad, and also worry about things from time to time. Sometimes it would even make her cry, and wonder if she would ever be happy again. 

However, the cat often talked to her friend the dog. The dog didn't know what it was like for the cat, because he had not been through the same sad times as she had; but he was always there to listen, calm her down, and do his best to make her feel better. Sometimes they would lie and talk to each other for hours until they both went off to sleep.

Although it made him feel happy to help his friend; sometimes the dog felt very lonely. A lot of animals liked him, but because of that, it was hard to admit that he was sad sometimes too.

One day, the dog lost a very special friend.

When that happened, he was so sad that something changed. Sometimes he didn't enjoy his favourite games anymore. Other times he didn't want to go outside.  Some of the dog's friends moved away, but he still had a friend in the little tabby cat. 

Over time, things changed for the cat too. She found another cat to live with and a place to call her own. She made new friends in different places, and found a few new things she was good at. This made her proud. She liked to tell the other animals about how far she had come, even though bad things had happened to her. 

Eventually, the dog went to an older, wiser dog to find out what was wrong with him, and to get some help. He got some good advice, and some medicine to help make him feel better, but the wise  old dog said the large dog should talk to a good friend about how he had been feeling, because being honest about it would help.

The dog knew exactly who he wanted to talk to. 

When he did talk to her, the little tabby cat said the dog should just stop feeling sorry for himself. She said that she was tired of hearing him bark all the time, and she had other friends who didn't make so much noise. 

The dog was confused and heartbroken. When the cat needed him, he had rushed to her aid whenever he could. Now that he was in trouble, it seemed the cat wasn't interested, because she was happy and secure now, and the dog was far too sad for her. He began to wonder whether he had ever been the cat's friend at all, or just another scratching post. 

The dog slowly began to feel angry, and eventually loudly barked at the cat to tell her what he thought of her. They stopped being friends, and the cat began to hiss at him whenever she saw him. The dog growled and bared his teeth, and after that she stopped.

The dog began to feel much better about himself. Sometimes he still feels very sad, but that's alright, because he learned some new tricks, and still takes his medicine every day.

Now, when he thinks of the cat, he isn't even angry anymore, he feels pity. He just hopes she never has to hear someone else say to her what she said to him. 

Most of all though, he feels very thankful for all of the wonderful animals he is friends with, and knows now more than ever what that means.

---

The morals of this tale:

1) Value and care for your friends, even on their worst days- regardless of how you're feeling.

2) People who cannot do the above are not your friends.

3) Depression can affect anyone, no matter who they are or how they seem. 

4) A great friendship isn't necessarily built on what you have in common

5) Just because you've had a hard life, doesn't mean that your struggles or achievements are more important than anyone else's; they're just different.

6) Dogs are wonderful animals. Cats? Less so.

End of the Corridor

So I finally found the time to finish Final Fantasy XIII.

First, (and I'll start positive) this game is BEAUTIFUL. The landscapes go from sleek and futuristic, to dingy and moody and both look excellent. 

The character design is on point, and there are a fair few likeable faces among them. Lightning, the main protragonist; is vibrant, complex, strong and independent. At one point she repeatedly slugs a character who is a more typical JRPG "hero", because he is being a complete idiot and deserves it.

The score, as always, is amazing. Even though Nobuo Uematsu has retired- his legacy lives on in the genius team behind the music

I have to say though- all things considered- this game is by far the worst in the entire series.

The story is confusing. Really hard to follow, and even harder to stay interested in.

Nothing is explained, except in Datalog entries that the game expects you to read- which is really galling... Sure, Kingdom Hearts does it, but it's supplementary information- you can still follow what things are and what's going on without reading it- it just adds depth. After completing the game, I still don't know what a Fal'Cie is- something mentioned in the first half hour of gameplay. 

The item-levelling thing is stupid, it's just so redundant until you get to the end, and you stop getting better items. The job levelling system is... All right. 

It's also very easy. Least amount of time I've spent in a final fantasy game. You can count the real problem bosses and difficulty spikes on one hand each.

But by far this game's worst offence is its monotony. And this is demonstrated in two key areas:

Firstly, the battle system. One of the key elements of these games, is the turn based strategy against enemies. 

Over the course of Final Fantasy titles, characters with unique skillsets are introduced and as the player, you have to work out which characters and abilities to use to overcome your adversary. FFXIII takes that all away. For starters- you only get to choose the actions one character- the designated "party leader"- whilst the other two are on autopilot. However, you won't do that. All you'll do is hammer "X" to "Auto Battle", unless you want to summon something. 

The characters can switch "jobs" in battle using predetermined paradigms that you set for them- giving them roles. These roles are Mage, Fighter, Buffer, Healer, Tank and De-Buffer- but they all have needlessly complex and pretentious names. 

Once you've found a winning set of paradigms, you can breeze through the whole game without much incident. In FFXIII, you aren't the one fighting, you're in the director's chair shouting at the characters. You can do most of it whilst eating a plateful of dinner at the same time; I speak from experience.

Seemingly, the developers wanted to make battle a lot flashier; in the wake of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (The FFVII CGI sequel movie) they wanted the games to look as good as that, which is an admirable pursuit. The reality of it though, is that you are watching a battle happen and stepping in if it all goes to shit. Watching, I might add through the most barf-inducing camera ever known in a video game. Imagine Lakitu from Super Mario 64 on crack cocaine, and you're not even close to how janky it is.

Secondly, (and this is what outrages most fans) the game is so linear. It has jokingly been called Final Corridor XIII, which would be hilarious if we weren't all stumbling down it whilst playing. 

About four-fifths of the game is running down a road or corridor in a straight line; with the only divergence being the silly bouncing "treasure chests"; which are almost always a disappointment. 

When you get that far though, you are greeted with a beautiful sight: a huge sprawling open map, monsters running and stomping about like real animals; and almost acting socially. It looks like a real ecosystem. It reminded me a lot of Avatar's Pandora (not just because of the shamelessly similar flying creatures.)

However, before long, it's back to the straight-line trudge, more or less until the end of the game, before you can come back here. This really angers me. Not only is it the complete antithesis of Final Fantasy of years past; but it shows you this area in the opening cinematic! Right before you reach the start menu!! It lures you in with beautiful visuals before sending you down an unremarkable rat-run for 40+ hours. 

The ending was at least nice, and there is a second game which supposedly rights a lot of this game's wrongs, but that remains to be seen.

Fuck this game. I don't think I'll touch it ever again. It has next to zero replay value, and the only reason I saw it through at all is because I'm that much of a dyed-in-the-wool fan of the franchise that I would feel incomplete if I hadn't. 

Welcome to Hell.

Well, here we are. Again.

The General Election has passed.

The Conservative party have a majority government, and David Cameron will be returning to Downing St. The Scottish Nationalist Party have claimed all but three seats in Scotland, routing the other parties in their safest seats. In the wake of these results, three party leaders have resigned. Ed Miliband (Labour), Nick Clegg (Liberal Democrats) and Nigel Farage (UKIP). UKIP gained one seat, Greens Held onto theirs. The final results seat wise are as follows:

• Conservatives - 330
• Labour - 232
• Liberal Democrats - 8
• UKIP - 1
• SNP - 56
• Other Parties - 23

Total 650.

First of all, I want to get something out of the way; something that you all knew was coming from me if this happened. This state of affairs we now find ourselves in was wholly preventable. We had the chance last September to prevent ourselves from being governed by another Tory government that doesn't have Scotland's interests at heart. We bottled it. If you voted No in the Independence Referendum 2014- Congratulations, there was always a high chance of this happening- you helped seal our fate. I'll get onto exactly what we can expect, However in the meantime I must deal with another point.

In the next few weeks, Labour and its supporters will bemoan their defeat, saying that the Scottish Nationalists are to blame 

         

Simple arithmetic. If every single Scottish person who voted SNP voted for labour instead, it still would not have been nearly enough to provide labour with a majority. In fact, quite rightly, Miliband has placed the blame for the poor results squarely on Labour themselves. The fact of the matter is they did not inspire confidence and trust in the electorate. In Scotland, they disgracefully got into bed with the Conservatives during the referendum campaign, and the Scottish people (however they voted) have not forgiven them for that. Still, Scotland is worth 59 seats out of at total 650. I will not patronise the reader by performing simple mathematics in this blog.

So now that the Conservatives hold a majority, they won't have the pesky Lib-dems moderating over the policies they make. This means they will not be pulling any of the punches from now on; and believe me, they are going to hurt, Here are a few things that the Tories have already supported for the future of the UK:

• £12 Billion cuts to welfare (as yet unspecified)
• Privatisation of NHS departments to multi-nationals
• A referendum on Leaving the EU
• Scrapping the Human Rights Act
• Reduction in the "Barnett Formula"
• Prevention of Scottish MP's from voting on English issues.
• Raising the top threshold levels for inheritance and income taxes
• Repealing the Hunting Act
• "Right to Buy" extended to housing associations
• Reduction in Corporation taxes
• Halting onshore windfarms
• Increased government surveillance and a possible return of the "Snooper's Charter"

Some of that will have people positively gaping at their screens. You can, however, look it all up freely in their manifesto, and in the official news announcements that have broken today in the wake of the results. Brace yourslves.

On a more positive note, the landslide victory for the SNP in Scotland means that 56 MP's are headed to Westminster who will put Scotland's interests first. We shall not be as easily ignored in the House of Commons. Jim Murphy, Gordon Brown, Jo Swinson, and Danny Alexander, big-hitters all, have been ousted in favour of SNP

On the subject of another Referendum, I'm sure there will be continued fervor for one, but it's doubtful. even though we were completely misled by Westminster and their "Vow"and scared into voting to stay. 

                     

However, the sad fact of the matter is, that despite the increased numbers, despite the "Scotland Bill" and despite the promises made to us since before September, we are going to be hammered. Welfare cuts mean that the weakest and most vulnerable people in society will have even less. Foodbanks have already increased from 56 to 445 under the previous government- and are set to rise further under these new cuts. Suicide rates in the poorest areas will undoubtedly be on the rise. Meanwhile, the richest 1% of the UK will be well on their way to having their wealth TRIPLED, having doubled it already since the Tories came to power. Any tax cuts announced will only benefit the rich and the powerful, while the rest of us are left to rot.

Remember: up until this point we have been in a coalition where the Conservatives have been paired with a left-wing liberal party that helped to curtail their more unfair and crueller plans for the electorate. If you thought the last five years was harsh on the less fortunate- In the words of Bachman-Turner Overdrive- "You ain't seen nothin' yet"

Welcome to hell. The irony is, in Scotland it won't even be warm.

Panem et Circenses.

Now that Britain's Got Talent has returned to national television I find myself in a curious conflict: relief versus penetrating despair for humanity.

I should explain. I mean relief, in the sense I'll be spared from it. For a couple of years now, I have forsaken a television service. I only watch catch up and streaming services, and in doing so, I save £145 per year by not paying a TV License. Sure- there are things I miss. I am a fan of documentaries, I like an edgy drama special now and then and enjoy debate and panel shows- but so much of television today is complete and utter dreck. Fly on the wall shows. Game shows. Talent shows. Parades of Z list celebrities trying to recapture an audience. "Talent" shows. 

Which brings us neatly to Britain's Got Talent. Ironically- the show's title doesn't give me this feeling. "Britain's got a lot of shameless, grasping, attention seeking, desperate souls who will debase themselves on national television for a shot at easy money" might be a bit long, I suspect, but is closer to the mark. "Britain's got some Talent when you sift through all the shit" pretty much sums it up.

 

Be under no illusions. BGT is not out to make "stars;" it is out to make money. It is out to keep both of Cowell's Bugatti Veyrons purring along affluent roadsides. 

Aside  from that I hardly need to mock

It because it has gotten so ridiculous it is now a parody of itself. Everyone knows that some auditions are just included for ratings. Everyone knows these people shouldn't get through to the next rounds (but they inadvertently do) just to make "good television" and promote discussion. It's only through being discussed that shows like these maintain relevance at all. 

I ask the same question of the genre that Bowling For Soup once did ("When Did reality, become TV?), but I have a particular distaste for "talent shows", particularly when there is music involved. I've stated already that I am a music elitist- for better or worse. I believe that music should come from that creative place deep inside every mind. It should come from how you feel about the world, how you feel about being in it, and sharing that with others. Talent shows make it all about money, fame and selling records. It's for Simon Cowell- not the artists.

However, because it is a catapult into the limelight, as opposed to the traditional methods of getting yourself out there musically, desperate and deluded souls will continue to sign up to try and get their shot. The reality is Britain does have talent, but it isn't on this programme; it's in the small venues around the UK just waiting to be found.

Artists who have built themselves up from the ground with integrity also have something these manufactured singers don't. Longevity. Even the ones who win talent competitions (with few exceptions like Will Young) have a year of success at best before their labels drop them and they fade into obscurity- only to be replaced by next year's winner. 

I think that's what offends me most of all. It's not just that I don't like the manufactured pop these shows turn out; I can't respect any of it. It has no substance. Then again, the easily amused masses who keep these shows running don't respect it either; they're just interested in sampling the flavour of the month. I am a music elitist because I don't accept mediocrity. That's all these people are. They are a cheap and cheerful and inoffensive. Our Panem et Circenses. Nothing more than a distraction for those with low attention spans and money from which- like the proverbial fools- they are soon parted.

Know Thyself

Today, I read something which has changed how I view myself.

That sounds awfully dramatic I know, but let me explain.

I regularly buy a concise, yet quality newspaper (the "i"). In it today was an article that suggested that "mindfulness" could be as effective in preventing relapses in depression as anti-depressant drugs. It explained the scientific studies which back this up, and also a little on mindfulness as a concept; it derives from certain philosophies of Buddhism and meditation practices.

Then came the all important sentence that made me stop and think about myself. These are the words of William Kuyken, Professor of Clinical Psychology at Oxford Univerisity, and I will reproduce them here in full so that none of their impact is lost.

"Recurrent depression is characterised by people who have very negative thoughts about themselves, other people and the world, and those negative thoughts can quickly go into a downward spiral of depressive relapse. As an example, a mother of a young toddler in one of my classes was pushing her toddler on a swing, she had the thought 'I don't deserve this happiness, this happiness is t going to last, I'm not a good mother. Mindfulness based cognitive therapy enables someone like her to see those as thoughts and not as facts- as phenomena that come into the mind and pass through the mind but aren't necessarily true about her or her relationship with her child. That can break up and prevent the downward spiral into depressive relapses" -- William Kuyken, i newspaper 21/04/15, article by Charlie Cooper)

If you have ever dealt with depression in your life, let that sink in. 

When I have felt low in the past, I have been largely unable to get past the thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. However, I have been reminded the way I feel is not my fault; it's an imbalance within me. If you know your own mind, and are mindful of the thought processes you go through when you are feeling this way, you can remind yourself that's all that they are- thoughts- not facts. How you feel about yourself is not the true picture of yourself- it is but one perspective. As Oz told the Tin Man: 

"A heart is not measured by how much you love; but how much you are loved by others"

This seems like an amazing tool to break the cycle of depression; I can see myself muttering "thoughts-- not facts" under my breath for the foreseeable future

 I plan to further explore the concept of mindfulness. It's probably the closest thing to a spiritual experience I'm likely to have in life- and it's all rooted in logic and rational thought. 

How Hard is it to Share the Love?

In the middle of last year, I read an article on the concept of polyamory. It fascinated me. 

The concept rejects the current societal norm of monogamous relationships, and instead, any relationships entered into are considered "open", allowing you; in theory at least; to love and commit to more than one person. 

At first glance, it seems to be that this is a way to justify "having your cake and eating it"- being committed as a partner whilst still being able to date, and sleep around if you so desire. Sanctioned infidelity, as it were.

On closer inspection, I think there's a little more to it than that. 

Here's an analogy that might make sense- if you have ever loved an ex partner, and found a new relationship. You loved your ex before you separated, and you love your new partner now; but in a different way. No two relationships are entirely the same, and the feelings you felt and the reasons you loved them are subtly different but valid. Is it such a stretch of the imagination to be able to love more than one person simultaneously? It's certainly easy enough to become attracted to, or have a crush on someone extraneous to a committed relationship- and in my view that's okay- because of your obligations, you don't act on it.

There are plenty of arguments against monogamy. Take all the broken relationships you can think of. Think of every agony aunt column you've ever read. How many of them involved infidelity and cheating? How many people do you know that have divorced and remarried? How many bored and unhappy relationships are you aware of in your nearest and dearest? I am not justifying "playing away", but it has to be said that a lot of monogamous relationships- even when running otherwise smoothly- hit the bump of infidelity. Whether that is a personal flaw, or a flaw in the idea of monogamy itself, is open to interpretation.

All rational thinking people recognise the idea of "The One" as complete nonsense. Do you honestly believe that out of almost 7 billion people on earth there is only one destined to be with you? What if you never meet them? What if they happen to live in Outer Mongolia? What if you meet them, and don't even like them? Scuppered.

Having said all this, I don't think just anybody can make a polyamorous life work. I believe that it takes a certain type of person with a very specific mindset to enter into such relationships- and I'm not sure I would fall into that category, for a couple of different reasons.

Firstly, division of time. If the relationships you are part of, being polyamorous, are separate but equal; how do you decide who to spend time with, and when? The schedule must be intense. I would also be worried about making someone feel less cared for, because they feel I'm spending more time with someone else I've been interested in. What about family commitments and holidays? Over time, even if I did get used to it, I think I would feel a little like Bilbo Baggins, at age eleventy-one:

"...Thin. Sort of stretched, like... Butter spread over too much bread."

Secondly, Jealousy. Whilst I may feel fine about spending quality time and having sex with different partners- how would I feel knowing someone I cared about, or indeed loved, was doing the same? If you are in the slightest bit insecure, or begin to think you are inadequate, or not enough for a partner, (even in monogamy) those thoughts can eat away at you like a parasite; and unravel the strongest ties. Is their other partner fitter than I am? Better in bed? Easier to talk to? Better looking? More attentive? Funnier? How would you reconcile that, and break away from such a spiral of negative thinking? One way might be to go out in search of another partner or one-night-stand; but by that stage, would it really help with anything other than fuelling your own resentment? It would be a sticking plaster, but you'd pick at the scab, over and over. 

On the other side of that coin, a jealous partner could be just as destructive. How do you placate that, when at the beginning of the relationship you've set the ground rules? How do you make them feel truly cared about whilst caring for another? I suppose it must come back to what I said before, about dividing your time, and loving in a distinct way.

Thirdly, my attitude to cheating. I am pleased to say I have never cheated on a partner. When I'm with someone it's made very clear right at the start, that I am committed and faithful, and ask them to do the same- urging them to make it clear to me if they are unhappy, so that it can be sorted one way or another. Sneaking around behind your partner's back is a betrayal of trust- and a dealbreaker.  I have, however, been the "bit on the side" on three separate occasions whilst single, and I must confess I do not feel in the least bad about it- because of the accounts the women gave me of their relationships. I realise this could be seen as somewhat contradictory- but I would quite honestly never have entered into a committed relationship with these women- if anything I was a confidant, with benefits. Having said that, if I entered into a polyamorous relationship knowing full well the implications of it from the get-go, I would probably fare better, because I know exactly what is expected of me, and the other person. That of course, would be entirely dependant on me overcoming any aforementioned insecurities. 

Finally, a big problem would be finding people interested in the idea. It's not a popular school of thought- as I said, it's generally accepted that relationships should be monogamous. There are laws in place against bigamy- the act of marrying more than one person- but this is probably as much about making the ownership of property as simple as possible, as it is about singular love. Can you imagine a lawyer trying to navigate the division of marital assets at a double divorce? It would be utter chaos. Returning to my point though; it's not something most people would readily enter into- finding like minded partners would be difficult, and you would probably end up spending a lot of time single until you did.

In summation, polyamory would appear to require several important attributes. Any person living this kind of life would have to be very secure in their own body and mind. The way in which you loved would not be grabbing, possessive, or jealous. It is an acceptance that the person that you love is not yours to own, and that you're okay with that; content for a portion of their time and of their care. What is more natural and purer than that? I applaud the idea of such love- in some senses it is close to an ideal. However, with that in mind, I will have to concede that for the vast majority of us- flawed as we are- it is a concept that will never work, and for the sake of health and sanity, is probably best left alone. Indeed, because of the way I have conducted myself whilst in a relationship in the past, and to this day- it probably wouldn't work for me. 

Everything a guitarist could want?

Recently I've been doing a lot musically.

I've gotten an 8 string guitar, which has opened up new worlds for me in sound. I've been exploring it in a new prog metal band. I've also been doing acoustic material with a female singer. Up until this point it's been covers, but we are now putting together original material.

So surely, I couldn't possibly need any more guitars? Surely I have everything I need?

Well, yes. At the moment I have everything I need to be fully creative in the projects I'm working on. However- I have a guitar hit-list of sorts that still has a couple of things on it. 

Many readers won't understand this. I know, I can only play one guitar at a time.  That much is true, but guitars all have different voices. 

Sure, you COULD play blues on my 8 string. However, it would probably never sound as good as it would on a hollow body. You could play metal on a road worn telecaster, but you won't get the sound or feel you'd get from guitars built with that in mind.

Here are a few of the guitars I wish to own in the future:-

A double neck- possibly the BC Rich Bich one.

A hollow body- probably the Hagström Viking Baritone

A Harp guitar

An Ibanez Universe

A Gibson Flying V

Some kind of Single-cut

An Ibanez Destroyer

An Ibanez Fireman

Those are some of my more realistic aspirations. There are others, but they go from the sublime to the ridiculous. I also hope to make the jump to Axe-FX or Kemper for sound modelling, as well as numerous effects to expand my pedalboard.

I'll always be chasing that sound in my head- and no single piece of gear has it.