For instance; I frequently battle depression.
I'm not talking in terms of "I'm feeling a little sad today because 'X' and 'Y' happened." Everyone gets sad. Sadness, grief, regret and sorrow are totally normal human emotions to feel. They run their courses and have their places in our lives.
Imagine one morning you wake up, and regardless of how you felt yesterday, something just feels wrong. All your motivation has somehow been leeched away, and you just lie there. You can't think of a single reason to get out of bed- because your life and everything in it seems so futile. So much of what you turn your hand to has come to failure- and it all stacks up in your head as you run through it over and over in graphic and merciless detail. None of the positive parts of your life seem to matter or exist at all. You wonder why you bother trying. You feel not sad, not upset; but utterly empty. Worthless. You still haven't got up.
This kind of thing isn't something you can "snap-out" of, nor is it a mood which can be alleviated by doing something you enjoy. Depression can take that from you too- your favourite hobby or activity can feel lacklustre. Sleep can also be a problem- even if you aren't very mobile or eating. You are loath to spend time with others, because you're concerned you'll bring them down with you, or are concerned what someone will think if they see you this way- you shut them out because you don't want to inflict yourself upon people. Mess and clutter can easily start to accumulate round about you in your apathy too.
Self harm is something that you can fall into. It can be a form of punishing yourself, or simply an act of desperation, finding release in a small piece of pain you can actually control. I speak from experience.
In extreme cases, to not carry on living at all can seem like an easier choice- or the right one. It's not always a selfish outlook either. Sometimes it can feel like you are such a burden or source of negativity to those around you, that you begin to feel they would be better off if you weren't there. Again, there came a time at my lowest point, when I thought this way. I planned extensively; and even made an attempt.
There's no magic bullet for treating depression. There are medications like Fluoxetine (Prozac) which address the chemical imbalance in your brain, but usually some kind of therapy is involved too- even if it's simply teaching yourself using online resources and CBT that there are ways to try and foster a positive mental attitude- or as near to it as possible. I've done both, with varying degrees of success.
If I'm to give you something to take away from this post, it would be two points:-
1) If you have a friend whom you think is depressed, the best thing you can do is let them know you care, and be prepared to listen. That's it. It may not seem like much but I'm not exaggerating when I say that for some, it's the difference between life and death.
2) If you are suffering from this- you needn't suffer alone. Seek help. You aren't the first person to feel this way and you sure won't be the last- there are tools and people who can help you get through even the darkest patches. Let people who care about you in. You are not a burden on your friends and family, and anyone who thinks or tells you that you are is no friend of yours. Leave these people who don't care behind and you'll be all the better for it.
You are human. The fact that your mind functions differently does not make you worth any less.
