An Analogy; in the Style of a Children's Story

Once upon a time, there lived a large fluffy dog, and a little tabby cat.

The dog and cat were the best of friends, despite having very little in common. Everyone's notions would suggest they shouldn't be friends at all. They didn't look similar, thought in different ways, ate different foods, and enjoyed different things. The dog was loud, and often barked if he saw something wrong, but was kind and gentle. The cat was quiet, and enjoyed being cosy in her little spaces, but also had a bit of a habit of scratching at things; even things that weren't hers. The large dog and the little cat took long walks together, ate together, drank together, enjoyed music together and played together for many a long and happy afternoon. They often disagreed- and now and again fell out, as friends sometimes do- but they got past these things, and felt much better after both saying sorry for the mean things they had said to each other.

The cat had not always had a happy life. When she was young, her family had been very cruel to her. Even now she had grown up, thinking about it made her very sad, and also worry about things from time to time. Sometimes it would even make her cry, and wonder if she would ever be happy again. 

However, the cat often talked to her friend the dog. The dog didn't know what it was like for the cat, because he had not been through the same sad times as she had; but he was always there to listen, calm her down, and do his best to make her feel better. Sometimes they would lie and talk to each other for hours until they both went off to sleep.

Although it made him feel happy to help his friend; sometimes the dog felt very lonely. A lot of animals liked him, but because of that, it was hard to admit that he was sad sometimes too.

One day, the dog lost a very special friend.

When that happened, he was so sad that something changed. Sometimes he didn't enjoy his favourite games anymore. Other times he didn't want to go outside.  Some of the dog's friends moved away, but he still had a friend in the little tabby cat. 

Over time, things changed for the cat too. She found another cat to live with and a place to call her own. She made new friends in different places, and found a few new things she was good at. This made her proud. She liked to tell the other animals about how far she had come, even though bad things had happened to her. 

Eventually, the dog went to an older, wiser dog to find out what was wrong with him, and to get some help. He got some good advice, and some medicine to help make him feel better, but the wise  old dog said the large dog should talk to a good friend about how he had been feeling, because being honest about it would help.

The dog knew exactly who he wanted to talk to. 

When he did talk to her, the little tabby cat said the dog should just stop feeling sorry for himself. She said that she was tired of hearing him bark all the time, and she had other friends who didn't make so much noise. 

The dog was confused and heartbroken. When the cat needed him, he had rushed to her aid whenever he could. Now that he was in trouble, it seemed the cat wasn't interested, because she was happy and secure now, and the dog was far too sad for her. He began to wonder whether he had ever been the cat's friend at all, or just another scratching post. 

The dog slowly began to feel angry, and eventually loudly barked at the cat to tell her what he thought of her. They stopped being friends, and the cat began to hiss at him whenever she saw him. The dog growled and bared his teeth, and after that she stopped.

The dog began to feel much better about himself. Sometimes he still feels very sad, but that's alright, because he learned some new tricks, and still takes his medicine every day.

Now, when he thinks of the cat, he isn't even angry anymore, he feels pity. He just hopes she never has to hear someone else say to her what she said to him. 

Most of all though, he feels very thankful for all of the wonderful animals he is friends with, and knows now more than ever what that means.

---

The morals of this tale:

1) Value and care for your friends, even on their worst days- regardless of how you're feeling.

2) People who cannot do the above are not your friends.

3) Depression can affect anyone, no matter who they are or how they seem. 

4) A great friendship isn't necessarily built on what you have in common

5) Just because you've had a hard life, doesn't mean that your struggles or achievements are more important than anyone else's; they're just different.

6) Dogs are wonderful animals. Cats? Less so.

Know Thyself

Today, I read something which has changed how I view myself.

That sounds awfully dramatic I know, but let me explain.

I regularly buy a concise, yet quality newspaper (the "i"). In it today was an article that suggested that "mindfulness" could be as effective in preventing relapses in depression as anti-depressant drugs. It explained the scientific studies which back this up, and also a little on mindfulness as a concept; it derives from certain philosophies of Buddhism and meditation practices.

Then came the all important sentence that made me stop and think about myself. These are the words of William Kuyken, Professor of Clinical Psychology at Oxford Univerisity, and I will reproduce them here in full so that none of their impact is lost.

"Recurrent depression is characterised by people who have very negative thoughts about themselves, other people and the world, and those negative thoughts can quickly go into a downward spiral of depressive relapse. As an example, a mother of a young toddler in one of my classes was pushing her toddler on a swing, she had the thought 'I don't deserve this happiness, this happiness is t going to last, I'm not a good mother. Mindfulness based cognitive therapy enables someone like her to see those as thoughts and not as facts- as phenomena that come into the mind and pass through the mind but aren't necessarily true about her or her relationship with her child. That can break up and prevent the downward spiral into depressive relapses" -- William Kuyken, i newspaper 21/04/15, article by Charlie Cooper)

If you have ever dealt with depression in your life, let that sink in. 

When I have felt low in the past, I have been largely unable to get past the thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. However, I have been reminded the way I feel is not my fault; it's an imbalance within me. If you know your own mind, and are mindful of the thought processes you go through when you are feeling this way, you can remind yourself that's all that they are- thoughts- not facts. How you feel about yourself is not the true picture of yourself- it is but one perspective. As Oz told the Tin Man: 

"A heart is not measured by how much you love; but how much you are loved by others"

This seems like an amazing tool to break the cycle of depression; I can see myself muttering "thoughts-- not facts" under my breath for the foreseeable future

 I plan to further explore the concept of mindfulness. It's probably the closest thing to a spiritual experience I'm likely to have in life- and it's all rooted in logic and rational thought. 

A Human Condition.

When someone says they aren't well, many people assume "sick." It's the automatic assumption. However- sometimes it's important to be mindful of the illnesses you can't see.

For instance; I frequently battle depression.

I'm not talking in terms of "I'm feeling a little sad today because 'X' and 'Y' happened." Everyone gets sad. Sadness, grief, regret and sorrow are totally normal human emotions to feel. They run their courses and have their places in our lives.

 Imagine one morning you wake up, and regardless of how you felt yesterday, something just feels wrong. All your motivation has somehow been leeched away, and you just lie there. You can't think of a single reason to get out of bed- because your life and everything in it seems so futile. So much of what you turn your hand to has come to failure- and it all stacks up in your head as you run through it over and over in graphic and merciless detail. None of the positive parts of your life seem to matter or exist at all. You wonder why you bother trying. You feel not sad, not upset; but utterly empty. Worthless. You still haven't got up.

This kind of thing isn't something you can "snap-out" of, nor is it a mood which can be alleviated by doing something you enjoy. Depression can take that from you too- your favourite hobby or activity can feel lacklustre. Sleep can also be a problem- even if you aren't very mobile or eating. You are loath to spend time with others, because you're concerned you'll bring them down with you, or are concerned what someone will think if they see you this way- you shut them out because you don't want to inflict yourself upon people. Mess and clutter can easily start to accumulate round about you in your apathy too. 

Self harm is something that you can fall into. It can be a form of punishing yourself, or simply an act of desperation, finding release in a small piece of pain you can actually control. I speak from experience.

In extreme cases, to not carry on living at all can seem like an easier choice- or the right one. It's not always a selfish outlook either. Sometimes it can feel like you are such a burden or source of negativity to those around you, that you begin to feel they would be better off if you weren't there. Again, there came a time at my lowest point, when I thought this way. I planned extensively; and even made an attempt.

There's no magic bullet for treating depression. There are medications like Fluoxetine (Prozac) which address the chemical imbalance in your brain, but usually some kind of therapy is involved too- even if it's simply teaching yourself using online resources and CBT that there are ways to try and foster a positive mental attitude- or as near to it as possible. I've done both, with varying degrees of success.

If I'm to give you something to take away from this post, it would be two points:-

1) If you have a friend whom you think is depressed, the best thing you can do is let them know you care, and be prepared to listen. That's it. It may not seem like much but I'm not exaggerating when I say that for some, it's the difference between life and death.

2) If you are suffering from this- you needn't suffer alone. Seek help. You aren't the first person to feel this way and you sure won't be the last- there are tools and people who can help you get through even the darkest patches. Let people who care about you in. You are not a burden on your friends and family, and anyone who thinks or tells you that you are is no friend of yours. Leave these people who don't care behind and you'll be all the better for it. 

You are human. The fact that your mind functions differently does not make you worth any less.