An Analogy; in the Style of a Children's Story

Once upon a time, there lived a large fluffy dog, and a little tabby cat.

The dog and cat were the best of friends, despite having very little in common. Everyone's notions would suggest they shouldn't be friends at all. They didn't look similar, thought in different ways, ate different foods, and enjoyed different things. The dog was loud, and often barked if he saw something wrong, but was kind and gentle. The cat was quiet, and enjoyed being cosy in her little spaces, but also had a bit of a habit of scratching at things; even things that weren't hers. The large dog and the little cat took long walks together, ate together, drank together, enjoyed music together and played together for many a long and happy afternoon. They often disagreed- and now and again fell out, as friends sometimes do- but they got past these things, and felt much better after both saying sorry for the mean things they had said to each other.

The cat had not always had a happy life. When she was young, her family had been very cruel to her. Even now she had grown up, thinking about it made her very sad, and also worry about things from time to time. Sometimes it would even make her cry, and wonder if she would ever be happy again. 

However, the cat often talked to her friend the dog. The dog didn't know what it was like for the cat, because he had not been through the same sad times as she had; but he was always there to listen, calm her down, and do his best to make her feel better. Sometimes they would lie and talk to each other for hours until they both went off to sleep.

Although it made him feel happy to help his friend; sometimes the dog felt very lonely. A lot of animals liked him, but because of that, it was hard to admit that he was sad sometimes too.

One day, the dog lost a very special friend.

When that happened, he was so sad that something changed. Sometimes he didn't enjoy his favourite games anymore. Other times he didn't want to go outside.  Some of the dog's friends moved away, but he still had a friend in the little tabby cat. 

Over time, things changed for the cat too. She found another cat to live with and a place to call her own. She made new friends in different places, and found a few new things she was good at. This made her proud. She liked to tell the other animals about how far she had come, even though bad things had happened to her. 

Eventually, the dog went to an older, wiser dog to find out what was wrong with him, and to get some help. He got some good advice, and some medicine to help make him feel better, but the wise  old dog said the large dog should talk to a good friend about how he had been feeling, because being honest about it would help.

The dog knew exactly who he wanted to talk to. 

When he did talk to her, the little tabby cat said the dog should just stop feeling sorry for himself. She said that she was tired of hearing him bark all the time, and she had other friends who didn't make so much noise. 

The dog was confused and heartbroken. When the cat needed him, he had rushed to her aid whenever he could. Now that he was in trouble, it seemed the cat wasn't interested, because she was happy and secure now, and the dog was far too sad for her. He began to wonder whether he had ever been the cat's friend at all, or just another scratching post. 

The dog slowly began to feel angry, and eventually loudly barked at the cat to tell her what he thought of her. They stopped being friends, and the cat began to hiss at him whenever she saw him. The dog growled and bared his teeth, and after that she stopped.

The dog began to feel much better about himself. Sometimes he still feels very sad, but that's alright, because he learned some new tricks, and still takes his medicine every day.

Now, when he thinks of the cat, he isn't even angry anymore, he feels pity. He just hopes she never has to hear someone else say to her what she said to him. 

Most of all though, he feels very thankful for all of the wonderful animals he is friends with, and knows now more than ever what that means.

---

The morals of this tale:

1) Value and care for your friends, even on their worst days- regardless of how you're feeling.

2) People who cannot do the above are not your friends.

3) Depression can affect anyone, no matter who they are or how they seem. 

4) A great friendship isn't necessarily built on what you have in common

5) Just because you've had a hard life, doesn't mean that your struggles or achievements are more important than anyone else's; they're just different.

6) Dogs are wonderful animals. Cats? Less so.

End of the Corridor

So I finally found the time to finish Final Fantasy XIII.

First, (and I'll start positive) this game is BEAUTIFUL. The landscapes go from sleek and futuristic, to dingy and moody and both look excellent. 

The character design is on point, and there are a fair few likeable faces among them. Lightning, the main protragonist; is vibrant, complex, strong and independent. At one point she repeatedly slugs a character who is a more typical JRPG "hero", because he is being a complete idiot and deserves it.

The score, as always, is amazing. Even though Nobuo Uematsu has retired- his legacy lives on in the genius team behind the music

I have to say though- all things considered- this game is by far the worst in the entire series.

The story is confusing. Really hard to follow, and even harder to stay interested in.

Nothing is explained, except in Datalog entries that the game expects you to read- which is really galling... Sure, Kingdom Hearts does it, but it's supplementary information- you can still follow what things are and what's going on without reading it- it just adds depth. After completing the game, I still don't know what a Fal'Cie is- something mentioned in the first half hour of gameplay. 

The item-levelling thing is stupid, it's just so redundant until you get to the end, and you stop getting better items. The job levelling system is... All right. 

It's also very easy. Least amount of time I've spent in a final fantasy game. You can count the real problem bosses and difficulty spikes on one hand each.

But by far this game's worst offence is its monotony. And this is demonstrated in two key areas:

Firstly, the battle system. One of the key elements of these games, is the turn based strategy against enemies. 

Over the course of Final Fantasy titles, characters with unique skillsets are introduced and as the player, you have to work out which characters and abilities to use to overcome your adversary. FFXIII takes that all away. For starters- you only get to choose the actions one character- the designated "party leader"- whilst the other two are on autopilot. However, you won't do that. All you'll do is hammer "X" to "Auto Battle", unless you want to summon something. 

The characters can switch "jobs" in battle using predetermined paradigms that you set for them- giving them roles. These roles are Mage, Fighter, Buffer, Healer, Tank and De-Buffer- but they all have needlessly complex and pretentious names. 

Once you've found a winning set of paradigms, you can breeze through the whole game without much incident. In FFXIII, you aren't the one fighting, you're in the director's chair shouting at the characters. You can do most of it whilst eating a plateful of dinner at the same time; I speak from experience.

Seemingly, the developers wanted to make battle a lot flashier; in the wake of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (The FFVII CGI sequel movie) they wanted the games to look as good as that, which is an admirable pursuit. The reality of it though, is that you are watching a battle happen and stepping in if it all goes to shit. Watching, I might add through the most barf-inducing camera ever known in a video game. Imagine Lakitu from Super Mario 64 on crack cocaine, and you're not even close to how janky it is.

Secondly, (and this is what outrages most fans) the game is so linear. It has jokingly been called Final Corridor XIII, which would be hilarious if we weren't all stumbling down it whilst playing. 

About four-fifths of the game is running down a road or corridor in a straight line; with the only divergence being the silly bouncing "treasure chests"; which are almost always a disappointment. 

When you get that far though, you are greeted with a beautiful sight: a huge sprawling open map, monsters running and stomping about like real animals; and almost acting socially. It looks like a real ecosystem. It reminded me a lot of Avatar's Pandora (not just because of the shamelessly similar flying creatures.)

However, before long, it's back to the straight-line trudge, more or less until the end of the game, before you can come back here. This really angers me. Not only is it the complete antithesis of Final Fantasy of years past; but it shows you this area in the opening cinematic! Right before you reach the start menu!! It lures you in with beautiful visuals before sending you down an unremarkable rat-run for 40+ hours. 

The ending was at least nice, and there is a second game which supposedly rights a lot of this game's wrongs, but that remains to be seen.

Fuck this game. I don't think I'll touch it ever again. It has next to zero replay value, and the only reason I saw it through at all is because I'm that much of a dyed-in-the-wool fan of the franchise that I would feel incomplete if I hadn't. 

Welcome to Hell.

Well, here we are. Again.

The General Election has passed.

The Conservative party have a majority government, and David Cameron will be returning to Downing St. The Scottish Nationalist Party have claimed all but three seats in Scotland, routing the other parties in their safest seats. In the wake of these results, three party leaders have resigned. Ed Miliband (Labour), Nick Clegg (Liberal Democrats) and Nigel Farage (UKIP). UKIP gained one seat, Greens Held onto theirs. The final results seat wise are as follows:

• Conservatives - 330
• Labour - 232
• Liberal Democrats - 8
• UKIP - 1
• SNP - 56
• Other Parties - 23

Total 650.

First of all, I want to get something out of the way; something that you all knew was coming from me if this happened. This state of affairs we now find ourselves in was wholly preventable. We had the chance last September to prevent ourselves from being governed by another Tory government that doesn't have Scotland's interests at heart. We bottled it. If you voted No in the Independence Referendum 2014- Congratulations, there was always a high chance of this happening- you helped seal our fate. I'll get onto exactly what we can expect, However in the meantime I must deal with another point.

In the next few weeks, Labour and its supporters will bemoan their defeat, saying that the Scottish Nationalists are to blame 

         

Simple arithmetic. If every single Scottish person who voted SNP voted for labour instead, it still would not have been nearly enough to provide labour with a majority. In fact, quite rightly, Miliband has placed the blame for the poor results squarely on Labour themselves. The fact of the matter is they did not inspire confidence and trust in the electorate. In Scotland, they disgracefully got into bed with the Conservatives during the referendum campaign, and the Scottish people (however they voted) have not forgiven them for that. Still, Scotland is worth 59 seats out of at total 650. I will not patronise the reader by performing simple mathematics in this blog.

So now that the Conservatives hold a majority, they won't have the pesky Lib-dems moderating over the policies they make. This means they will not be pulling any of the punches from now on; and believe me, they are going to hurt, Here are a few things that the Tories have already supported for the future of the UK:

• £12 Billion cuts to welfare (as yet unspecified)
• Privatisation of NHS departments to multi-nationals
• A referendum on Leaving the EU
• Scrapping the Human Rights Act
• Reduction in the "Barnett Formula"
• Prevention of Scottish MP's from voting on English issues.
• Raising the top threshold levels for inheritance and income taxes
• Repealing the Hunting Act
• "Right to Buy" extended to housing associations
• Reduction in Corporation taxes
• Halting onshore windfarms
• Increased government surveillance and a possible return of the "Snooper's Charter"

Some of that will have people positively gaping at their screens. You can, however, look it all up freely in their manifesto, and in the official news announcements that have broken today in the wake of the results. Brace yourslves.

On a more positive note, the landslide victory for the SNP in Scotland means that 56 MP's are headed to Westminster who will put Scotland's interests first. We shall not be as easily ignored in the House of Commons. Jim Murphy, Gordon Brown, Jo Swinson, and Danny Alexander, big-hitters all, have been ousted in favour of SNP

On the subject of another Referendum, I'm sure there will be continued fervor for one, but it's doubtful. even though we were completely misled by Westminster and their "Vow"and scared into voting to stay. 

                     

However, the sad fact of the matter is, that despite the increased numbers, despite the "Scotland Bill" and despite the promises made to us since before September, we are going to be hammered. Welfare cuts mean that the weakest and most vulnerable people in society will have even less. Foodbanks have already increased from 56 to 445 under the previous government- and are set to rise further under these new cuts. Suicide rates in the poorest areas will undoubtedly be on the rise. Meanwhile, the richest 1% of the UK will be well on their way to having their wealth TRIPLED, having doubled it already since the Tories came to power. Any tax cuts announced will only benefit the rich and the powerful, while the rest of us are left to rot.

Remember: up until this point we have been in a coalition where the Conservatives have been paired with a left-wing liberal party that helped to curtail their more unfair and crueller plans for the electorate. If you thought the last five years was harsh on the less fortunate- In the words of Bachman-Turner Overdrive- "You ain't seen nothin' yet"

Welcome to hell. The irony is, in Scotland it won't even be warm.