A Human Condition.

When someone says they aren't well, many people assume "sick." It's the automatic assumption. However- sometimes it's important to be mindful of the illnesses you can't see.

For instance; I frequently battle depression.

I'm not talking in terms of "I'm feeling a little sad today because 'X' and 'Y' happened." Everyone gets sad. Sadness, grief, regret and sorrow are totally normal human emotions to feel. They run their courses and have their places in our lives.

 Imagine one morning you wake up, and regardless of how you felt yesterday, something just feels wrong. All your motivation has somehow been leeched away, and you just lie there. You can't think of a single reason to get out of bed- because your life and everything in it seems so futile. So much of what you turn your hand to has come to failure- and it all stacks up in your head as you run through it over and over in graphic and merciless detail. None of the positive parts of your life seem to matter or exist at all. You wonder why you bother trying. You feel not sad, not upset; but utterly empty. Worthless. You still haven't got up.

This kind of thing isn't something you can "snap-out" of, nor is it a mood which can be alleviated by doing something you enjoy. Depression can take that from you too- your favourite hobby or activity can feel lacklustre. Sleep can also be a problem- even if you aren't very mobile or eating. You are loath to spend time with others, because you're concerned you'll bring them down with you, or are concerned what someone will think if they see you this way- you shut them out because you don't want to inflict yourself upon people. Mess and clutter can easily start to accumulate round about you in your apathy too. 

Self harm is something that you can fall into. It can be a form of punishing yourself, or simply an act of desperation, finding release in a small piece of pain you can actually control. I speak from experience.

In extreme cases, to not carry on living at all can seem like an easier choice- or the right one. It's not always a selfish outlook either. Sometimes it can feel like you are such a burden or source of negativity to those around you, that you begin to feel they would be better off if you weren't there. Again, there came a time at my lowest point, when I thought this way. I planned extensively; and even made an attempt.

There's no magic bullet for treating depression. There are medications like Fluoxetine (Prozac) which address the chemical imbalance in your brain, but usually some kind of therapy is involved too- even if it's simply teaching yourself using online resources and CBT that there are ways to try and foster a positive mental attitude- or as near to it as possible. I've done both, with varying degrees of success.

If I'm to give you something to take away from this post, it would be two points:-

1) If you have a friend whom you think is depressed, the best thing you can do is let them know you care, and be prepared to listen. That's it. It may not seem like much but I'm not exaggerating when I say that for some, it's the difference between life and death.

2) If you are suffering from this- you needn't suffer alone. Seek help. You aren't the first person to feel this way and you sure won't be the last- there are tools and people who can help you get through even the darkest patches. Let people who care about you in. You are not a burden on your friends and family, and anyone who thinks or tells you that you are is no friend of yours. Leave these people who don't care behind and you'll be all the better for it. 

You are human. The fact that your mind functions differently does not make you worth any less.

Paleo- One Month.

I meant to post this on the first of February.

I've now been on the diet for one month- with no cheat days. The biggest difference I'm noticing is my mood. I'm becoming low a lot less. I'm also never bloated or overfull because as well as eating less heavy carbs- I'm watching portion size.

Now all I really need to sort is working out more.

Old Firm- Same Old Shit.

The Old Firm comes back on Sunday after nearly 3 years off.

For anyone reading from elsewhere who doesn't know, the Old Firm refers to a (soccer)football match between Glasgow Celtic, and Glasgow Rangers. The fans needlessly divide themselves along political, ideological and religious lines. This creates a lot of conflict, hatred, violence (both in the streets and domestically), and has even resulted in deaths.

I'm not a football person- never have been. My second biggest reason (after general disinterest), is the amount of discord this game causes. I was visibly relieved when I was told that this Derby would not happen as a result of the financial trouble Rangers found itself in, and now I am palpably unsettled at its return.

I can easily predict what will happen this Sunday. One team will beat the other, and there will be some kind of riot. There will be the usual surge in domestic violence. Many people will be admitted to hospital, and someone will most likely be killed. I wonder if the bookies will take that one.

I am of the view that the two clubs should be completely liquidated and amalgamated into one. Have one Glasgow team- Glasgow United, perhaps- and make their strip purple. However, it won't happen for one reason- the money it brings to Scottish football. Despite the divides it causes in our society, money is more important to these big businesses apparently, and it doesn't seem to matter how many people are hurt or killed. 

Foundations of Friendship.

Over the past few years, I've lost a fair few friends, and gained some new ones. Recently, I've been forced to re-evaluate what constitutes a good friend, and what does not. 

This is both from my own perspective, (how I treat others) and an external one (how others treat me.) 

I must at this point, be clear that I am talking about real-world friendships, and not "friends" found in lists on social media. These two do not equate. 

I understand that the idea of friendship may mean different things to different people. As such, it should be noted that the comments I make here are specific to my idea of what a friendship should be, and what it needs in order to survive.

1) Contact and Communication

If you don't stay in touch with your friend, they won't be your friend for very long. "Liking" someone's photo/status online or leaving a comment is not enough to constitute contact. A simple message to ask how someone is, a phone call for a chat, or arranging an impromptu coffee can mean the world to someone. If distance is an issue for you then conversation is all the more important. Go months without talking to someone, and they'll either quietly drift away or confront you because they are feeling ignored.

2) Honesty

If you are lying to someone, you may also be lying to yourself; if you call yourself their friend. Honesty is a universally important thing to me; and I see withholding important truth and outright lies to be two sides of the same despicable coin. Sometimes a "white lie" can be used to spare someone embarrassment, disappointment or upset. It can be said that there are merits to these, and there is a kernel of truth in that when the matter is trivial. Even then; it's important to consider what your friend would think, and how you would look if the lie was found out. Sometimes the fact you've lied  in the first place is upsetting enough. Even a brutal truth is better than an easy lie.

3) Time

A true friendship cannot be bought with money, gifts or favours. The most important way to maintain any relationship is with the most precious resource that you have. If spending time with a particular friend seems like a hassle or a chore, then you aren't treating them as a friend- you're tolerating them. 

4) Respect.

Many people say "Treat other people as you would like to be treated", and there is a lot of good in that statement. I try to go one step further, by aiming to treat my friends better than I expect to be treated. That might be down to low self-opinion, but I don't see wanting to help others when I can as a fault. Ignoring messages, putting people off because you can't be bothered, not making an effort to reschedule a missed meet-up, needlessly pushing away someone who wants to help you: these things are not respectful, and mutual respect is central to any relationship. 

5) Empathy

It's important to look after number one. However, to be a good friend, you do need to put other people before yourself. It's all about striking a balance, by being there for others, but not to your detriment. Be there when they need you, when you can. A good practice, I find, is trying to put oneself in the other person's shoes- try and see things from their perspective. This is important, because by doing so, you examine how your words, actions or lack thereof, may affect another i.e. How would you feel if someone said/did that to you? Or, How would this sound to someone else? It is worth noting that it is not always possible to do this, so if you cannot imagine what they would feel beforehand, try at least to understand why they feel that way afterward. The most important thing you can do is listen. 

6) Be Prepared to Apologise, or Forgive.

If you wrong someone, or realise you are wrong in something, and were professing otherwise- it's only right that you should apologise. I'm not going to tell the reader of this post how to apologise, because anyone with a whit of sense should already know. I will say only this: do so concisely, sincerely and without reservation (the moment you say "but"; you've stopped apologising!) Forgiveness is much more important, and much more difficult. A useful analogy is that of the broken plate- if you apologise for breaking a plate, it remains broken despite saying you are sorry. An apology can take minutes but forgiveness can take any reasonable length of time, depending on the level of hurt someone has caused. In addition, forgiving an act is not the same as forgetting it ever happened, so be prepared to start building the lost trust- whatever side you're on. If a friend apologises sincerely, be ready to forgive rather than hold a grudge- even if the friendship doesn't survive, considering forgiveness after a fashion is compassionate, and can provide closure for you both.

So there we have it. I don't think it's very difficult to be a good friend, really. You don't have to be selfless; just don't stay in your own bubble. You don't have to be a saint; just a decent human being. You don't have to spend money; but you do have to spend time. I feel this is more important than ever in this age of social media, because despite the idea we are meant to be more connected than ever before, it seems like we are becoming all the more isolated. Look after your friends, and the good ones worth having around will look after you. 

Being Frank With His Holiness

I like Pope Frank.

Even for a heathen like me (especially for a heathen like me), he is an absolute joy. He is peaceful, champions equality, has spoken out about gay rights, and overall is so liberal that Catholics themselves are questioning  him; which can only be a good thing. 

Having said that, I must disagree with some of what the man in the pointy hat said recently in the wake of the attacks in Paris on Charlie Hebdo. 

The pontiff has stated, that while he does not condone killing other human beings, people who insult the beliefs and religions of others should "expect a punch", in the same way they would if they had insulted his own mother.

So in a nutshell, he has said that belief should never be mocked. If we do mock it, we should expect physical violence. He is trying to put it on a pedestal. 

First of all- and I feel like I trot out this phrase all the time but- ideas do not have rights. Much as they would have you believe, there is not a belief system on earth that is above and beyond scrutiny and criticism. Everything can, and should, be examined for both morality and validity- and more often than not, religions fail in both these categories. When our ideas are scrutinised or challenged- that is when their worth is proven. A sound idea will stand up to attack because of the evidence backing it up. 

Comedy is part of our culture as much- if not more so- than religions are. I've stated before my feeling on this and will not repeat myself at length- suffice to say nothing should be immune from a joke. Comedy serves only to entertain and make people laugh. The moment you start saying what people can and can't make a joke of, is when serious problems start, and escalate. 

Above and beyond anything else, ideas and beliefs proven to be true do not need defending. They are true whether you believe it or not, and whether you like it or not. Indeed, we don't call them ideas or beliefs anymore at that point; they are known as facts. 

However, ideas proven to be ridiculous; which are still clung to regardless of evidence to the contrary; are laughable. Such things hardly need mocking? And are definitely not deserving of any respect. For instance, organisations such as The Flat Earth Society, claim exactly that; the earth is a flat plane, with an edge. We know this to be false. We also know that the previously held belief that the earth is the centre of the universe has also been proven false. Did you know however, that the Catholic Church only acknowledged this fact at the eve of the 21st century? It wasn't until 1999 that they actually conceded that Gallileo was correct; despite their persecution of him at the time he made his theories.

If we are to take the myths of Christianity at face value; the bible states that the earth (and by extension, the universe and existence itself) is between 6000 and 10,000 years old. This is nonsense- and not even close. The earth is around 4.6 Billion years old (4,600,000,000). Human beings as we know them haven't been around that long, comparatively- but we still beat Christianity's best guess by a long shot, at around 200,000 years. Indeed, by the time the bible-thumpers reckon the universe began, we had already managed to invent glue and domesticate dogs. If we are not to take it at face value, then how are we to understand the Old Testament? As metaphor? Allegory? Figuratively? Do we disregard the entire Old Testament or only certain parts? By what criteria do we decide? I think there would have to be a companion handbook. If someone has one- please lend it to me.

Beliefs such as this deserve to be placed on the same level as Scientology and The Flat Earth Society. If you believe something you cannot prove, because you haven't bothered to investigate the facts, then you are simply ignorant. Remember, "I can't think of anything to explain it, God must have done it" is not a superior answer to "I don't know". It's okay to admit you don't know; but go and find out. It's all out there- this is the Internet age after all. If you believe something you cannot prove in any way, despite there being evidence to the contrary, then quite frankly you are an idiot. If you are wilfully ignorant- then you are beyond help. 

Unless you have genuine mental issues in regard to this- you deserve to be mocked. I can mock you, and I will. I will mock you in the same way I would mock a member of The Flat Earth Society, someone who believes in the supernatural powers of astrology, or someone who believes the moon is made of Camembert and inhabited by Clangers. 

 

Body Beautiful?

I wish people would stop saying things like "every body is beautiful" or insisting that everyone recognise that someone is- whether they agree or not. Beauty, like art, is completely subjective and individual to the observer. If you proclaim something or someone objectively beautiful- sorry- but you're wrong; or at least, to someone, you'll be wrong. You are only beautiful if at least one other person thinks you are.

I read this morning an article entitled "Fat Femme Artist Picks Apart Your Preconceived Notions of Beauty"

Article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/13/kelli-jean-drinkwater_n_6456750.html

It did not. My perception of beauty, and what I find attractive and aesthetically pleasing in women has not changed one iota. I did not see beauty in any of the photos shot. The lighting was interesting and dramatic; there, I was positive about something. To be brutally and wholly honest, I didn't actually view every single photo; I got about half way down the page and closed it again. I'm not the most svelte of men (the diet is going well by the way!), but I have no desire to look at rolls of hanging fat, "spare tyres" and cellulite under any kind of studio lighting. 

This movement to glorify obesity, despite its numerous and well-understood underlying health issues, never ceases to baffle me. As I've stated before, sometimes, inborn or developed illnesses, as well as some medicines, can lead to uncontrollable weight gain. Having said that, for those who can help it, not exercising and piling it on because you eat fast food every week is nothing to be proud of. It's certainly not something other people should celebrate. Look after your body! It's the only one you've got! 

That is not to say that some people might find something artistic or beautiful within this photoshoot; but to state categorically that a few photographs of heavily overweight women will change my personal perception of what is beautiful, is profoundly false.

Which brings me back to beauty as an idea.  Not everyone is beautiful (not even "in their own way" that's just another lie Hollywood tells you), but what we should be recognising is- that's okay. Physical beauty isn't everything. There are more important things to value in a human being than how they look. Intelligence. Rationality. Creativity. Eloquence. Talent. People are so distracted these days by flawlessly airbrushed celebrities and models in media, that they forget what else can be attractive in others. Furthermore, this really distorts what beauty can mean to some of us- because there is so much falseness and lies in what we are told is "beautiful"

Also doing the rounds on social media frequently are (for example) images of young girls with Progeria; a disorder which causes rapid premature ageing of the body, or icthyosis; a disorder which causes skin to become very dry, cracked and painful all over the body. Tagged underneath it is usually the caption "Like if you think she is beautiful" or "How many likes for this beautiful girl??" I'm afraid this sort of thing turns my stomach; for a very different reason than the photoshoot. Here is a young person, facing near insurmountable odds and challenges every single day of their lives, and the one positive thing you can think to say about them, is falsely declaring physical beauty? Wow. 

If you're one of these people, take a good hard look at yourself; and I don't just mean in a mirror. Realise that there's more to a human being than a pretty face, that beauty is only skin deep- and however you currently look, you're only one horrific freak accident away from knowing exactly what that means.

Gotta save 'em all... But I can't.

I've discovered a lovely little game boy/DS emulator, and I've decided I'm going to have a go at The Nuzlocke Challenge on a version of Pokémon.

It's basically Pokémon; super hard mode.  I watch a YouTube user named Projared who has videoed his and it looks difficult. The rules are as follows.

1) You can catch only one Pokémon per area/route/cave- the first one you encounter.

2) When a Pokémon faints; it is considered dead. (It must be taken to the nearest Pokémon PC and released)

3) No revival items.

4) Once you have owned a Pokémon, you cannot catch duplicates of it.

I'm also embracing a few extra rules I've seen used:-

1) All Pokémon are to be given a nickname; The first one that comes into your head, or the first combination of sounds put together.

2)No healing in battle unless at critical (red) health. 

I will be playing the Pearl Version- because I haven't played it before. Already in my game there has been the first blood of war: my Kricketot had no moves except bide, and died in its second battle due to critical hits. 

I've also had a bit of fun with the trainer names. I've called myself "Fuck, I" which leads to such gems as "Fuck, I found a potion!"

But I also called the rival "...Shit" and that has proven for some unexpected laughter. 

I nearly fell off my chair with this one