(This retrospective/review/critique contains spoilers.)
The story is centred around head to head acapella contests- but also contains, alongside the usual teen-movie clichés, a smattering of misogyny, tokenism, chauvinism, and projectile vomit of which The Exorcist would be proud.
The story opens with an acapella troupe, the Barden Bellas, that blow their chances at winning some competition or other, because they lose their focus, and their leader-queen-bee-type-figure (you guessed it) barfs impressively on the stage. All the while with commentators making (admittedly quite funny) quips from the balcony.
Enter Becca (or "Bec", played by Anna Kendrick) as she argues with her dad. She doesn't want to go to college and would rather be working on songs- a typical rebellious daughter trope then. During her enrolment- she is spotted by the singing group as they hunt for new members. Rather realistically, Bec exclaims that the whole premise is "pretty lame" and makes it clear she isn't interested as she can't sing anyway. However it doesn't end there. One of the Bellas is having a quickie in the shower with "nondescript male student B" when she hears Bec singing, and confronts her. I clocked a belt round the head for my exaggerated feigned disappointment at the "opportunity wasted" in this scene to make the movie much more palatable. Instead of descending into debauchery, what we get is a rather uncomfortable harmonisation of "Titanium". Dang.
So now it seems Bec is on board, and after a serious of auditions headed by a flawlessly camp Christopher Mintz-Plasse (best performance in it, he is really selling it), joining her are:-
"Fat Amy":- one of the more likeable characters in the film, purely because of her realism, but she is the "token heavy girl" of the group, while all other members are the right side of curvaceous or tall and willowy.
"Extremely quiet softly spoken Asian girl":- I (rightly) called a "Police Academy" moment.
"Token lesbian black girl":- because this movie likes its eggs in one manageable basket.
And a number of other rather nondescript, forgettable characters to make up the rest of the team. I actually had to ask Clare if two of them had been in the troupe from the start, as they literally had two lines in the entire film. The fact I can barely remember any names at all is telling.
Rivalling them are the "Treblemakers" ( The boys team! Boo! Hiss!) and while the rivalry is incredibly contrived and forced, I do honestly want to punch their ringleader- a prize douchebag named "Bumper"- right in the throat. The actor is channelling Jack Black for this performance, and does so incredibly badly- making the character not only irritating, but painful to watch. The other male characters in the film are easy to forget, apart from the object of Bec's affection who also performs in the other team *gasp!*.
The plot is actually easily surmised from here. The troupe make a stuttering start, failing to gel as they are all differing in style. Throughout the movie various classic songs from the past three and a half decades are viciously butchered, including songs by Ace of Base, Pat Benetar, Europe and The Bangles to name but a few. Coupled with their ringleader being a control freak and refusing to vary the routines as per Bec's suggestions, their performances become stagnant. Meanwhile their rivals streak ahead with innovation. Bec develops a fleeting romance with the cookie-cut teen male lead, (honestly, look at him and think of every teen movie ever made) risking her place in the troupe. They travel to a competition and hi-jinks ensue. Bec tries to innovate the wallowing performance and is thrown out. She falls out with "generic male lead" because, apparently- she has a problem with pushing people away- a development of character not explored in the film. The ringleader pukes some more. Quiet Asian girl falls into it and makes a Vom-angel (I wish I were making that up). Bec is let back in and assumes control of the troupe. They finally do it her way; with a Frankenstein's monster of a mash-up centred around a vocally flat rendition of "Don't You Forget About Me" ; arising because of "generic male lead" having introduced her to the world of film, with particular emphasis on The Breakfast Club and it's ending (well, can't fault his taste). It is a rip roaring success and they win the day. Cheers. Obligatory kiss. Curtains.
What really made this movie truly awful for me, was not just the desecration of classic songs, nor was it the yawning lack of character development, the needless and excessive "gross-out comedy" moments, or the plethora of rom-com tropes: it was the way the film was shot.
Throughout, I felt like I was watching a soap opera. The camera work was shaky, and kept following characters rather than having angles or scene placements to speak of. Couple that with pieces of text appearing on the screen and lame fading scene transitions and it all looked thoroughly amateur. You expect that in Hollyoaks or Emmerdale, but not on the big screen. The final performance had a degree of realism to it- because most of it was shot from what felt like a handicam in the crowd at a school talent show. Not a good thing.
I often rip on rom-coms for their unrealism. They create and display unachieivable standards and expectations for relationships. In this particular case however, I have to add that it is creating a romanticised illusion that acapella/glee clubs are both numerous, and incredibly sought after and desirable. These groups are in reality very niche, and you're either very into it, or give it a barge-pole berth. I am no great arbiter of what is cool and fashionable- but I do know how a generic group of Glaswegian high school teens would react to an acapella group, and those involved in it- it would make tabloid headlines.
With that in mind, actually, it would have been interesting to explore an external bullying/victimisation angle- but instead everyone on campus seems to think it is not only completely ordinary, but something that warrants concert hall levels of production. Perhaps it's different in America.
All in; for me Pitch Perfect was woefully out of key. I won't watch it again, but regrettably I can't unsee or unhear it. It redeems a few points for a few genuinely funny moments, a couple of likeable, if fleeting characters, and also I suppose; because this is not a hetero-guy-friendly chickflick; from an "eye candy" perspective. Even with that in mind, this movie did not fill me with glee, just exasperation.
3/10
P.s:- if this movie has scarred you, and you happen to be a fan of games, I recommend going onto YouTube to listen to the truly excellent Smooth McGroove to return to your happy place.
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